yeah

考完试，和朋友到处跑，花了很多钱，却不见得很兴奋，反而有一丝的烦躁。

回到家更烦。。 什么都来烦我。。搞什么！！！！！

面对问题时，才会发现原来可以倾诉的人还真的没有一个。

可能是自己爱面子的问题，终不能把衰的一面表露出来。。

过去只会对一个人说，可现在的他已形同陌人。

对他绝对是一件好事，对我却不见得。

依赖成性的我是时候反省一下了。

人前一个样，人后一个样。。

有时也不禁怀疑自己到底有没有精神分裂。。

a meeting that reali make me open my eyes wide, make me realize there are people wic could resist the temptation of $$.

a meeting, which I have no chance to voice out as I’m still new to the society. Compared to other ex-ajk, I think I do better keep my mouth shut. But I cant off my mind from the topic they have struggled to get a conclusion.

Well, as a society committee board, what I concern most would be the students’ respond. Are they interested in the events I organized? And is the event successful and win acclaims. So whats d matter of sponsorship from government body..? as long as my event could be successfully carried out who will concern about the source of money whether it is government or corporate sponsorship. Its far better than students go out to raise fund.

 As an outsider wic I reali do in d meeting, I would only think its foolish to reject a pack of free gold. Mayb the sponsor body wanna get publicity or mayb they have other intention so tat student wil support government, but that’s not the concern of our society. As long as we are neutral, and the sponsorship is gave legally to our society, I could hardly think of any reason that we shud reject. The controversy appeared becoz of the committee member itself. Yes even without the sponsorship the event may stil be carried out in small scale. But I dun understand why we refuse to  make it grand when we have the chance to do so. The procedure for the sponsorship might be tedious, but goin all the way out to raise fund dun sound easy too.  

Mayb I’m still dumb, too naïve to envisage the complexity involved. I dun understand their worries. Really dun understand at all! If  theres free $$  for my event, I dun mind to be a  dumb, I would  grab the money 1^st. becoz those who dun take it are surely more dumb than me. No offend after all. Its Jaz my silly thinking~~

papa ady missing for one yr.. stil cant contain my tears whenever i think of him.. theres a prayers for him tomoro.. spent hundred over to buy those paper made utensils, if he was here, he must b scolding us for wasting money.. but this is what we can do for him now.. last time used to scold him for taking cigaratte.. but now.. we r buying dunhill for him.. wondering he could somehow receive it…. instead of we visiting him tomolo at the cemetery.. i hope he could come home … where we used to be together…

gloomy weekends~

i was lost.. i started to recall back what my papa said when he was  at home…stil healthy and conscious… he said the bank loan no nid to pay.. he is goin to die soon.. that time i dun feel a thing.. i jaz scold him back.. "y said like that.. becoz of few thousands u curse urself, jaz pay them la..".. now i know my papa reali know he wil leave us soon..

when he was sick.. he did tell mama that he has to go 1st.. mama ask him wanna go where.. though she knew clearly what my father wants to indicate.. mama said ask them to give u more time.. but my papa ’s reply is this thing could not be changed… 

we dun keep in heart all the words said by papa… jaz hope that all he said is not true.. nv reali care about my papa’s feeling.. that he did struggle to tell all those things which eventually become reality..

papa always say he wants to go india.. the only place he nv visit be4.. wan c my big bro get married… his grand children are stil small.. papa is stil young.. y..who shud i blame.. blame the useless doctors.. blame my papa for giving up..blame for asking him go chen ming… y he choose to go when no one beside him.. and nv leave a word..

after chen ming, my papa’s health has been deteriorating, difficult in moving and lose his appetite. during that time, i reject all d outings without telling my frens about my dad’s condition, earnestly hope that he will recover very soon.

in this one month time, i bring my parents here and there, seeking for medication and as well some sinsehs to get some spiritual advice. all d doctors couldnt diagnose anything, so we starts to bliv it might be some ‘dirty things’, all d bomoh saying the same thing that my papa shouldnt hav go for chen ming, ask my mama pray here and there then will heal..we follow exactly the instructions but all our efforts go in vain..

finally my papa was admitted to hospital.. when his condition getting worse.. my mama has been in hospital too accompany my papa day and night.. doctors perform all the x ray, mri, scanning but everything seems normal… but y papa like this? the doctor said is brain stroke.. this does not convince me as my father’s limbs stil hav feeling, he can listen and respond to us.. there is no blockage in arteries.. but doctor claims that sometimes stroke could be no reason.. doctor nv prescribe any medicine.. everyday my papa was lying there.. and condition din seem to get better..

at the same time.. my bros nv stop to seek more a more powerful sinseh.. which according to her, my papa becomes like that is bcoz of ‘dirty thing’, but quite unblivable after my mama listen to her advice and pray.. my papa is getting better.. everyday me and bros fly to hosp after work.. doctor said my papa can discharge by this week.. so hapi that i no nid to be alone at home anymore..

jaz two days after i got the good news, i went back home after work.. ready to visit my papa.. but once i reached home.. my mom was at home.. her mood is bad.. only until i reach hosp, i get to know my papa was in icu.. my mom said my papa suddenly stop breathing..  papa has to now depend on machine to breath.. even blood pressure and heart beat hav to use medicine to sustain..doctor said if it is becoz of choking then papa would be ok in 2 days.. that night was a terrible night.. as visitors are not allow to stay in icu mama follow us back home.. the next day is labour day.. i suppose to go office a while.. while my mama went to hosp early in the morning.. when i was about to go office.. my bro calling from hosp.. doctor said ask whoever who wan to c my papa to come over as soon as possible..

me and my other bros fly there once we get the call.. my papa stil in coma.. the whole day we were in hospita talking to papa.. hope he wil wake up.. until night we went back home..the next day is the second day.. full of hope that papa wil wake up.. bro fetching mama to hosp while i goin to work.. jaz stepping out of my house.. a call from my mom.. crying sound fr the other side saying papa has passed away..

finally i went to her two days concert in genting. at 1st i tot two days will b diff things but at last it turns out to b the same..but nvm i stil like it..

even if she is not singing.. stand there and let me c…i also willing to pay de..hehe. but she din stand there stil..instead she sings and dances for me… (perasan) even  finish all my savings to watch her concert i still happy..hehe..u will nv know how leng lui is she..(terpikat la saya).. how she sang i think 6 fast songs non stop..plus dance like mad… wah…cun!

d 1st day..me sitting quite near to d stage. tot can at least shakes hands with her..but then i was lose in d pushing with d big crowd.. ah!!rambut pun tak dapat sentuh!! (feel like bangin d wall) but got few seconds i was able to c in few inches distance wic i feel she was looking at me too..haha (too perasan tim)

later on, one lucky fellow was chosen to sing with her on d stage,..of coz i was not d lucky one.. ( apalah)..but d scene ..i mean singing with sammi on d stage did happen to me always… just it  is in my dreams… (haih)

after d concert,  heard she wil b taking photo with d genting groups at d billboard beside d stage,..so all d fans including me gathered there hope she wil somehow come out wave wave to me..but the security use d billboard to shield her, and she cabut … priaaangggg (heart breaking)

d second day..d performance stil d same but me also d same shout like crazy..but d second day…2 guys and 2 gals were chosen…of coz…me can only b d spectators.. (hmph..) they got chance to hug hug..kiss kiss plus take photo with my beloved sammi… (ah!!! feel like pushing them to bang wall !!) but nvm..i bliv i can do tat in my dreams too..

cant bliv her concert wic i hav been waited for yrs was end…dunno when wil b her next concert …when will she come malaysia agin.. though i am so eager to go her concert agin…i somehow hope tat her concert wil b few years later..when i start working…so tat i can buy vip seat…sit in fr of her.. (i dun bliv i cant shake hands with her)..and i got money to buy a thousand megapixel camera so tat i can snap her photo clearly under d flash of spot lights… or mayb tat time i was rich enuf to b one of d sponsor in her concert/…hehehe…but i think these are more realistic in my dreams..

i shall dream bout it… yeah!

all started with d advertisement about zoo in newspaper..talk aboout renovated la..d price la.. makes me even more eager to visit zoo after my first visit when i was in my year of 5!

so on last sunday i started my journey to the zoo with my fren. suppose to go at 9 but  was delayed till 11. once arrived, i was shock with d big crowd. i dunno our zoo negara is so popular.. when findin parking, i can c d banner at road side written parking RM4. huh! RM 4! the car park must be covered with high quality carpet!

as we saw lots of cars parking at road side..d mud..so we also follow .. so hard only v found one nice place to park but once we got down fr d car..an indian came to us and say.. parking 5 ringgit! huh! mud also 5 ringgit! of coz i wont pay 5 ringgit for d mud. so we drive off and park at one housing area.. quite far fr d entrance.

nvm..we walked. finally we enter d zoo!yeah.. firstly is d aquarium..i saw  some fish inside all like half dead..most of them saw b4 in pasar.  d most geng is tat inside d aquarium has no air cond and full with human and carbon dioxide. once come out everyone also know i jaz swim in d aquarium. huh! with such bad de facilities they dare to charge 15 bucks for d entrance fee…what d..!! some more written renovated in papers!

fine..then continue to walk lo..saw all those animals… all macam mau mampus..until 3 o clock we rush to d theatre to watch d so called multi animal show. (walk like hell coz is far btwin one place to another) sampai aje..tengok dah full ..gonna stand.. d show also ma ma dei only ..all also kacang aje..and only half an hour..or less than tat..allah..!!

after finish d show then start rainin HEAVILY..two of us b d ’smart’ one din bring umbrella so stand under d shelter tunggu mati.. feel like goin back but at the same time feel like waiting for d night animal show..wic only show on sat and sun..at 8.30 wic is 4 hours more…since we came ady..and pay 15 for it..v decided to wait!( now i regret but is too late )

d rain continue to fall cease a bit and fall agin.. we walk until every corner also got our footprint lo.but 2 hours more..so v sat down bside d theatre and talk. sit until butt also pain finally  it is 8.15.. so happy..suddenly broom!!! rain fall agin heavily.. oh my god!! then d zoo fellow said acara akan diteruskan sebentar lagi jika hujan tidak lebat.. ah!! no no!!

at last//d show is stil on BUT BUT…d show is like this : someone bring d racoon or something out..then d fellow say actually it gonna climb d rope but since it is raining and d rope is slippery so v jaz show to u d animal!! huh!! wat!! and pne by one they bring out d cacated animal and show us..jaz 15 mins i guess..they said pertunjukan sampai ke penghujung…(wut!! )

tats d entire show wic i waited for hours.. is for HOURS..!! d rain getting heavier after d show ends. and now d other problem arises.. our car!!  in order to get out fr d zoo we hav to pass thru a big big car park to reach d exit and walk agin to d housing area to get our car. BUT D CAR PARK…d big big car park has no light at all.. jaz trees and two cars far at d corner.. no other choice but we hav to walk in d rain! while walking my heart beat getting faster and faster..scare got rapist la suddenly come out (u know la  me so p_ett_)..scare some more got something floating.. ( u know la so dark..).. scare kena kilat ( under tress la wei ) scare i jadi hangus and bein displayed in d zoo..

we run and run and we reach d exit..BUT but..it is locked..!! jaz imagine how we stunt looking at d big lock! then gonna run back.. in d heavy rain!!! me wear til so leng lui but kena run in rain..haih..pai se la..then got one zoo fellow driving a lorry and take us to d other exit wic is super far fr d car…

no choice! agin we run and run along d road side….now i scare of ghost ..thunder ..rapist… and scare kena bang by d cars…haih.. kesian gila.. and alhamdullilah safely we got into d car.. what an unlucky day..tot of goin mum mum..but that day is so bad until..i scare i will pk when walking to the restaurant..so we decided to go back…wanted to start d car…BUT…..WE CANT..! oh my god…for few mins.. we stunt agin.. and suddenly can start liao hehe..

means luck not that bad le.. while driving..scare accident pula.. so slowly and carefully dengan berkat tuhan yang maha mulia..we arrive home safely.. though so many bad things happen i feel lucky tat i can get back home safely… walhamdullilah.. and i learn my lesson tat zoo negara is really ‘great’..i hope i can bomb it one day and rebuild..

tats my wonderful trip.. so  dun go to zoo unless u can park ur car in front of d entrance so tat u can cabut easily!!

yeah.. finally i’m back to my beloved abdullah palace..
glad to know tat there are some changes on my lower six life!!

1st : my classroom! last year i had been suffered badly coz of some uncilvilised ppl cut off the wire, causing my classroom to b surrounded with heat, mosquitos and sank in darkness. this year so hapi to know tat we r changing to last year upper six class where d fans were in full blast and lit with fluorescent lights. once i stepped in the new classroom, so glad tat all d fans and lights were stil in position. but … so so unblivable when i saw d wire in d class was being cut off too..! gosh!

2nd : my subjects teacher!the one who had been teaching me pengajian am, last year his periods was a quite boring one but i start to feel how great is he when he is sbustituted by a more boring teacher. imagine 2 weeks the teacher coming in without teaching anything but kept telling us about sistem meritokrasi and all those bull shits which i think it is s_x! below is his speech which had been repeated for FEW TIMES in TWO WEEKS!

Mr C : i wonder how upper six students got time to loiter around to dating, last time when i was in upper six, i always set my option b when d teacher is not coming. i can chat with my frens but i would choose my option b which is to study in class. (fake! teaching kindergarten meh! u think i wil bliv?). in two periods time mayb i can cover two chapters or more! so, if i c u guys loitering around when teachers are not coming in, i wil slap u! i will really slap u! (come la slap me)
           i din mean to scold u . i said this is becoz i like u all! (oh no, like me also?) i wan u all to enter university! if u all can enter university i wont get anything in return. u wont giv money or anything to me. i would jaz have a sense of satisfaction if i can c all of u to go in uni. ( is not bcoz of u in anyway.. satisfy what? )
            u know now d government has change d concept. d sistem meritokrasi is much more tougher. if ur cgpa is 3.98 and u wan to enter medicine field, and so unfortunately tat only 200 seats for tat course, u might not b able to enter if there are 100 who got 4.00 and 100 with 3.99! ( so ngam?? but we know this well plz..!)
            tats y ur 10 % cocurriculum is important. u r compulsory to take part in one sport, uniform body and club. ( hey! d cocurriculum talk is jaz over. ) so during d talk, i wan u guys to ask questions. anything u r not sure about can jaz ask the teacher. last time all d form six students are study worms. so our country dun wan such inactive students to b our leader. ( ok enuf.u ady said this last year for few times! )
            so now, u all must start setting a good timetable for urself. must set a specific one! dun la write 1.30 study pengajian am. pengajian am got so many things to study. be specific! such as 1.30 practise drawing graph. this is wat i meant b specific! (timetablE, yea this is moral nilai bertanggungjawab, sir u teaching moral ah? ) i know some of u r gd, ady plan ur time well set ur goal, this is good.
( good? teacher praising me ah? ) but for those who haven set ur goal go back and think about it! write ur target 4 A in a piece of paper and paste it at ur desk!
( childish! got so much time go sleep better la ) dun la set ur goal 2 get 4 C . 2A 2B stil acceptable. ( we r 19! dun talk craps! )
           "ring…" ( yeah recess?)
             whats the time now? oh recess over ady ah? y din remind me jaz now?? ( wa s_x bull shit until recess over!! u watch out!)

hooh… finally my last term exam is over..let me recall some interesting events..

yea few weeks before the exam. got some uncivilised ppl cut off the wire in the class, make us be in dark all this while, no light actually stil ok for me.. but the most irritating thing is no FAN..all the subjects teacher knew this and form teacher even said she wil go and complaint…but ….but… they must b thinking now is the winter season…with this condition…we eventually come to our exam day :

1st day : pengajian am

whilst we r doing the paper with the help of the morning sunlight and with sweats all over, SUDDENLY got one student tell the teacher that his exam paper is stated upper six.hohoho… after askin the whole class got ten ppl getting the upper six exam paper. but it is almost 2 hours after we started our exam. so teacher  ask the ten ppl to resit for bahagian B using lower six after we finish the paper. according to my fren, got one section in upper six is easier than lower six,…so she did not redo that part.. if it is me..mayb i wil do this too..but think back…is it fair?? ( coz that part i got all wrong for lower six, thats y i so geram!! ) teachers blame the students for not checking the paper.. but think back again… who wil expect in a pile of exam paper there would b ten sets of upper six mixing with it.. even i myself did not check the paper..and upper six exam was long time ago.. what makes them mix together ?? students?? or teachers?? eh…i did not blame the teacher..mayb they r too concentrate in setting the question until mix up…so cant blame them ya..

2nd event :

when v were doing the exam, the teacher said something " kelas.. i keluar kejap ah, u orang jangan tiru.." then he left the class.. wah..this is the 1st time i heard teacher saying like this. so do u think the students wil sit stil then?? jaz few seconds… " eh…whats the answer for question 11?? how to do this?? borrow ur paper?? pass me ur answer.." can u imagine in this kind of situation we r doing the exam..?? brain also block.. whose fault? students? coz they tiru?? teachers ?? coz he leave the class?? nonono… teacher trusts us ma..this shows that they trust us… they bliv we can behave… so good hor…?? cant blame the students too.. they discuss ma helping each other..

3rd event :

when the students resit the lower six paper in the next class…by the time our paper ady being collected.. so we jaz sit there and discuss about it.. SUDDENLY we saw someone sitting there keep writing something..we wonder what so we go and hav a look..rupanya…he tengah complete his exam paper..where he got the exam paper tot we pass up ady?? rupanya teacher leave it on the table and leave.. other school got such thing happen ka?? maluri never..  coz teachers in maluri dun trust us ma.. see… how good is my current school.

4th event:

during physics, at first the teachers din distribute the answer sheet for objective questions..coz i saw my fren bside also doing in the question paper..so me too… dunno when the hell is the teacher give out the answer sheet… and the front fellow.. the paper not enuf also din tell me ( must b brain stucked )..  only few minutes before the time end i found out there is an answer sheet. so i quickly ask the teacher.. he search his table but dun have…and he started to say something stupid :" apa sal tak tanya awal?? " ( sekarang tak ada, tanya awal pun tak ada kan?? ) then i said :" saya tak tau pun ada kertas ini..depan punya orang tak cukup pun tak cakap, saya mana tau??" then he ask me the most brainless question :" jadi macam mana ?? " ( i tot i suppose to ask him why terbalik??) " cikgu tanya saya macam mana… ok fine cikgu..!"  then i wrote it in text pad. actually the answer sheet is not really important..but since got time of coz i wanna do it in that sheet…but jaz see what stupid reaction is the teacher showing me.. i doubt is he a teacher..?? cant blame him ah.. sometimes teacher also wil experience mentally disorder.. human ma.. not his fault..

so overall is this stil consider last term exam?? no system no discipline..no fan no light no everything//…my teacher told me this is jaz a final term exam for lower six.. u got fifty passing marks is enuf..( she said this to me coz she wan me 2 put more effort in the farewell party for upper six since i was the one in charge) but is this what a teacher should tell the student?? encourage them to get the minimum?? finally can someone tell me…is this a school? r they teachers? am i dreaming??